We're both moving towards the same thing. We're both reaching for peace in a life that keeps dangling it just outside our reach. We find it momentarily, over and over, just to have it slip away, over and over. And I thought we found it in each other. We were great until the countdown started flashing on the board and everyone stood up, screaming their heads off, craning to see how it would end. Until the outside got into our minds and fucked up our focus. So do we just walk away with our heads hanging? Do we tell ourselves we gave it a shot and it failed? Do we just accept this and let it be? Oh well? I'd do it over and over again with you girl. I'd sit through countless clocks winding down; horses busting in the final five yards: failures are fine with me. I've never been on a winning team. I've just stuck through it. I keep my head up and I go again. And I think you do to. And I think that's where we found each other. I think that's what I glimpsed in you. I just don't know why we lost sight of it. I think it was just a slip. I know I'm gone and I know I showed you sides of me that you didn't want to see. But I have changed so much. I've adapted over and over and over and I will keep doing that forever because my life has never been stable and I don't want it that way. I want transience. It keeps me sharp, eyes wide, arms open. I yearn for life to smack me in the face. I expose myself on purpose because it's the only way I ever get to feel anything real. And yea, sometimes I get smacked too hard and I let it take hold and I stray from a place of balance but in comparison to what and how I was...I'm never going back there. I don't look back and wish I was somewhere that passed. I look at right now and I look at how it will keep getting better.
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